The Prisoner’s guide to getting a wife

Yesterday’s blog entry was heavy and informative. It was necessary as far as bringing attention to the current issues my husband and I are facing, but definitely not my favorite type of entry to write. I`m going to try to make this blog a fair mix of serious issues and my life(Which includes serious issues. Not really sure where I`m going with this…). Creating balance is what I`m all about. Stay with me here. I want to write something lighter today because 1. It is Friday and I want to relax. Work is done for the week and that is awesome.2. I want to distract myself from the chaos. And 3. I have wine in the fridge and have finally received the letters from my husband, that the prison was holding for over a week, so I`m happy. I`m also eating honey-balsamic glazed roasted carrots. Life is okay, though I am still missing my husband an insane amount.

Here we go.

So this is a basic guide you should use, should you ever find yourself in prison, and needing/wanting a wife 🙂 These are things my husband has done throughout our relationship to get me interested in him, to get me to come back to him, to get me to stay, and ultimately to get me to marry him in a little room inside the prison visiting area.

1. Make sure you write lots of letters.

* I`m not talking about one letter a week with boring contents such as “Hi. How are you? Please write back”. Write a real letter! Write real letters. Preferably 5-6 times a week, that are sometimes in excess of 20 pages. None of that big print nonsense. Don`t cheat. One of the letters I got from my husband today was 30 pages. 30 pages of finely crafted words that made me laugh and cry and sometimes both at the same time.

2. Call her back if she hangs up on you, and she will.

* Way back when I was younger and much more dramatic than I am now, I would pick fights with my husband(which means I mostly just fought with myself while he stood back and refereed between my multiple personalities) and I would hang up on him. He always called back. ALWAYS. If I didn`t pick up, he would call again, and again, and again, because he knew eventually I would give in. In retrospect, I can imagine how frustrated he must have been by my actions but he never let on. He greeted each phone call with a smile that I could feel across the space between us.

3. Use all your resources to help her out with life.

* What if I don`t have any resources? I`m in prison. What do you expect? My advice to you is: Get some resources. Early on in my relationship with my husband  my cat, India,  got sick and needed surgery. I didn`t have a lot of money at the time(Don`t get me wrong; I still don`t have a lot of money) so it was either gather the $$$$ for surgery to fix her or put her down(way cheaper; Only one $). My husband allowed me to pull money out of an account he has, with no questions asked, to save my kitty(who is still with me today). Any man that is willing to help you save your cat, who swallowed a shoelace and a dime that resulted in intestinal blockage, is a man worth keeping. Besides the generous financial contribution, he was there for me emotionally and he truly understood how near to my heart my cat was and how devastated I would have been if I had to let her go. Which brings me to number 4.

4. Be understanding

* Being a prisoner’s wife, or even a prisoner’s girlfriend, is tough. It takes focus, emotional strength, the ability to deal with a precarious situation, and dedication. Hardcore dedication. My husband has never made me feel like I was overreacting, stupid, too emotional, or otherwise wrong for my feelings. We realize that this is the life we have chosen together and we deal with it by supporting each other.  This man knows what I`m thinking, can tell what is going on by the tone of my voice, is helpful, and truly protects my emotions and heart with everything that he is.

5. Scheme with their mother or another family member to get her back if she leaves.

* I admit it, I`ve “left” my husband a number of times in our relationship(before we got married) because I wasn’t sure this was the type of life I wanted for myself. What does “leaving” mean in a prison relationship? How do you “leave”?  Leaving, to me, meant that I stopped writing, stopped taking his calls, stopped opening his mail(I told him I stopped opening his mail. I always opened it), stopped visiting, and generally tried to distance myself from him. When my husband was tired of me “leaving”, he started writing to my mom secretly(very sneaky), getting her to feed me information about what was going on with him, and to keep an eye on me without my knowledge. He knew I loved him and wanted to be with him. I knew this too, but I needed a little push. So one day my mom told me that my now husband had planned on marrying someone else, and I immediately wrote him, told him it was a bad idea, and here we are today. He really did a good job of getting me back in the end.

6. Make her feel special.

* Show interest in things she likes, have pictures drawn for her, send her gifts from the inside, plot surprises for her with your family. Now, I`m not really a material person but the little things my husband has sent me from prison over the years have meant the world to me. The drawings he has had commissioned for me, the toilet paper roses(*snort*), the handmade necklaces, and all the other little prison crafts have made me a happy girl. I am also the proud owner of several pairs of his boxers that he knew I would like for pajamas. In addition to striving to surprise me himself, he works with his family to ensure that they make me feel special in his absence, and I feel truly blessed to have a man who works his ass off to show me how much he cares about me, thinks about me, and loves me.

6. Don`t give up.

* Be persistent. Unless she really doesn`t like you  and researches how to get a restraining order on a prisoner(this I have not done). It takes a lot more work and time to make a prisoner/outsider relationship work than a “normal” outside relationship. If you want a wife, you have to give it all you’ve got. My husband has really given me his all and continues to do so each and every day. We are not together on a daily basis right now, but I have felt more drive for this relationship from my husband than I ever did with any other person on the outside. He doesn’t treat me like he has me and simply has to maintain a standard to keep me, he treats me like he is still trying to win my heart long after I have given it to him.

Okay, so mostly that entire entry was to gush about how ridiculously amazing my husband is. I hope I have inspired a search for true love in your life, or have made you entirely sick 🙂 In closing, while I enjoy referring to my man as “my husband”, I really like to call him Jeremy.



About Desiree

Living my truth, one post at a time. View all posts by Desiree

5 responses to “The Prisoner’s guide to getting a wife

  • Stephanie

    LOVE this post! Nothing gets me all swoony quicker than a man who fights for his woman. I too have been the proud recipient of “toilet tissue” roses and drawings, and they mean as much or more than any piece of jewelry he ever gave me on the outside (except for my engagement/wedding rings of course). Brag away, girl! 🙂

    • Amie

      Its Amie from the group and I cried because of the kitty situation. Sometimes you find a good man, you keep him, NO MATTER where he lives. Loving the raw honest truths you are putting out there.

  • melodie martinez

    Hey Desi…It’s Mel. I have read all your blog posts to date. I know what you are feeling and what you are going through. It is the kind of love that makes you feel the excitement before visits, the kind of love you want to brag about to your friends, and the kind of love that really shows loyalty and commitment. When I was in your shoes, I remember the “tissue paper” roses, the beaded angel earrings and the Santa Claus ones too. The poems and love letters that melt your heart. The kind of love I hardly ever see on the outside. I used to hate to see couples argue about the most trivial things and think to myself ” You are so lucky that he/she is there in front of you and you can kiss and make up” I used to feel my heartbreak when I saw couples breaking up over silly things. Like all relationships, there is a lot of work to be done to keep it going. People on the outside just don’t understand how someone could fall in love with an inmate. I say, “Screw them!!” You aren’t asking for anything. You just love an inmate and he completes your world. I look forward to reading more of your posts. P.S. That kitty story melted my heart too. What a generous and wonderfully thoughtful thing for him to do. Since any money they have on account is for precious things like soap and shampoo and even food.

  • fitmommyforlife

    This is such a lovely lovely post! And this is exactly what I was talking about in one of the comments I posted! Your devotion and commitment to each other is so touching! And I think what makes me love it that much more is knowing the fact that it truly does take so much more work to have a relationship like you do, rather than having a relationship with someone on the outside! It takes so much more dedication and perseverance. Your love is so palpable I can feel it from here over the interwebs! And I absolutely love that. You inspire me to be a better wife, for reals girl. Keep the posts coming! I’m loving it!

  • Suzanne

    Ok the fact he gave you a considerable amount of money for your cat is HUGE in my book. Any man who does that for a pet has GOT to be in love 🙂

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