I just finished up some yoga. Yoga(Jillian Michael’s style, mind you) was the perfect way to tell the stress to get lost. Exercise pretty much keeps my emotions in check these days. All those endorphins are actually doing their job. I find it hard to have emotional breakdowns about the lack of Jeremy in my life because I keep myself moving, productive, and awake to life as opposed to staying in bed eating pizza and crying(which deep down somewhere I think I really want to do sometimes).
During yoga, in between sweating and cursing at Jillian, I was thinking about the beginning that I`m going to have to go back to soon. My beginning was the place where Jeremy and I physically came together back in 2003. If you want to argue what my actual beginning was, you could say it was my birth, or my childhood, or my first kiss, but I like to say that my beginning was Jeremy. Though I remember snippets of my life before him, I have an almost photographic like memory of him, our conversations, his face, us. So what is this beginning? More important, where is this beginning?
My beginning is Ely State Prison in Ely, Nevada. I haven’t been there in over 5 years but I`m about to make my journey there once again to be with Jeremy because he has been transferred. Why has he been transferred? Read the back story in earlier blog entries. I find myself about 350 miles away from my husband and anxious about going back to Ely, but it is necessary. People who don`t know about prisons don`t understand the vast difference between maximum and medium security facilities. It’s going to be an adjustment from what I have gotten comfortable with.
Jeremy and I had written for years before I could actually visit. One month after my 18th birthday I found myself in the waiting room of this maximum security prison in a part of Nevada I had never even heard of. There were so many thoughts rushing through my head before that first visit, where I was about to meet a man I had only ever written to and had a few 15 minute phone conversations with. I remember admitting to the gatehouse guard that I was nervous and I felt really dumb for saying that. At that time, I had no experience with prisons or law enforcement. At that time, I thought law enforcement was there to help, to save, and to be just. What a far, far, departure from the truth.
Anyway, back to my beginning. My beginning is a place as you now know. This is the place where my life was turned upside down and was changed in a way that it would never be the same again. Meeting Jeremy has been the greatest joy of my life and I wouldn`t trade my impulsive nature for anything because it led me to my perfect match. On the flip-side, this beginning has been the greatest struggle of my life, but a struggle is a challenge and I have always been up for this particular challenge.
So, years later, I find myself on the precipice of my beginning again, another journey to be had. I feel a strange sense of positive about returning to my beginning, and I feel that this return will enable greater and more amazing experiences to happen in my life with Jeremy.
The roots of my love were planted in a maximum security prison visiting room.
I have the geographical coordinates to my beginning with me at all times.