I`m relieved. The two letters from Jeremy that followed his mini loss of footing earlier in the week were wonderful, powerful, hopeful, and exactly what I needed. This is why I love this man. He only falters for a moment, and then comes back stronger and better than ever. I have to expect and allow those moments and to be perfectly honest, I am glad for them. I am glad to see my beautiful human of a husband in state of vulnerability. It reminds me that I`m needed, and maybe I am his glue after all. Everyone wants to feel needed, and he truly is the only person who makes me feel that way. Like he doesn’t exist without me.
I`ll be seeing him in less than 48 hours and I`m internally overwhelmed by my excitement and desire, but trying to keep it all together. I am a nervous person by nature, so being with Jeremy has frayed my nerves over the years, but has also allowed me to rebuild quicker, and quicker each time. The push and pull of love and sadness breeds sleepless nights and an overwhelming amount of thoughts in my head. Traffic. Lots of traffic. The journey to get to my love is taxing, the process to get in to see my husband is frazzling, but when I see him, it’s like the rest of the world falls away and it is just us.
My mission is to get to him. To get to that visiting room. I feel physically ill from my silly anxiety right now, but I know I can make it even if I have to put my “everything is fine” mask on to get there. I`ve become quite skilled at that act. Call it thick skin, call it strong, I call it doing what I need to do to survive from one interaction with the most important person in my life to another.