I try not paint my marriage in a light that would make others feel sorry for me. That is not something I actively strive for. I do my best to explain my relationship in a way that leaves people in awe of just how two people survive the separation, the heartache, and the prison. I see Jeremy and myself as survivors. There are lots of people who cannot even make it work when they’ve been handed every opportunity to be happy and functional. Although there are times where I`m absolutely pulling my hair out with stress or crying in my car on the drive home, I never ask for emotional handouts.
The reason I bring this up is because I’ve had a lot of different reactions to my marriage, my struggles, my “situation”. Most people are a little shocked but can hold a normal conversation about my relationship, there are some that say “I`m sorry” as soon as I tell them, as if there is some tragic back story to why I`m married to an inmate. There isn’t. I love my husband. The “I`m sorry” line makes me laugh. Then someone literally asked me if I was stupid for being with Jeremy and it took a serious suppression of feather ruffling not to verbally slap this person. The most personally upsetting reaction I get to my life and marriage are the people who get more depressed about it than I do. Comforting someone else about your own struggles is quite interesting.
I was sitting with someone the other day and we were making small talk. You know, “How is Jeremy?”, “How are you?”. Yeah. Then she looks at me and fans her eyes saying she doesn’t understand how I do it, and that she wants to cry because she is sad for me. I comforted her by telling her not to be upset, that although I have my bad days, that I`m still fully in tact and in love. I walked away with a smirk on my face because having to calm someone who isn`t one half of my whole is amusing and a bit ironic.
I`ll always admit that this is tough, that broken emotions and elated moments go hand in hand, but I don`t complain about my relationship in a way that would allude to me being truly unhappy. I choose this.