It’s the 4th of July and once again I find myself hundreds of miles away from my family, in an unfamiliar place that I`ve somehow made familiar over time. The last six months have been rough without daily communication from my husband. We missed Christmas together, New Years, my birthday, Valentine’s day, the beginning of two seasons, and here we are midway through the year and I`m trying hard to stay connected to my husband in a disconnected situation. Letters, letters, letters, one phone call a month for 15 minutes, and one visit a month. Oh it’s 6 whole hours of visiting behind glass? Thank you for that, because 6 hours a month is enough to really maintain a marriage.

I know he’s thinking of me, and I`m certainly thinking of him, wishing we could have at least our daily, or even weekly phone calls back. Standing strong and remaining calm in the face of everyone else’s celebration is a bit challenging at times.  It seems like all around me people have someone near and dear to spend time with, while I`m on the other side of the glass looking in. Don`t get me wrong: I have friends, I am invited places, but it isn`t the same. Not having the comfort of “home”, especially during the holidays can get a bit overwhelming. It starts to make me think, REALLY think, about what I`m missing right now.

I`m tired, I desperately need some peace of mind, and my patience is wearing thin without my husband. Today we are supposed to have our one call for the month, and that’ll only happen if he can actually get a guard to give him the phone as he requested. In prison requests are ignored, delayed, put on the back burner until they are found at a later date after the damage has already been done and has had time to sink in. I hope that I can talk to my husband today, on this holiday, not because it is a holiday I celebrate in force but because I want to feel like I have some normal communication with my significant other for just a few minutes on a holiday just like everyone else does.



About Desiree

Living my truth, one post at a time. View all posts by Desiree

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