The holidays are supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year and instead they end up being the most stressful, and in my case, the most difficult to get through. I have an abundance of family and friend support but it doesn’t quite measure up to what I need from my husband at this time. As of right now we are still somewhat restricted as far as our communications go and it is tough to get cut off at the end of a 15 minute phone call when I want to share the joy and the sadness of the season that I am currently feeling. I`ve been writing a lot, both snailmail and “email”(Email sent through an online service that is printed out at the institution and given to the inmate). Despite all the writing I cannot seem to get all the words out that I need to, I cannot express the storm inside me that is composed of both joy and desperation.
Today I`m flying out to California to see both my family and Jeremy’s family, and while I am excited, there is a piece of me that is missing and that cannot be found except hundreds of miles away in a cold concrete cell. The last year has made me strong, though, and I know that although half of my heart is somewhere else, that I am functional and able to face whatever comes my way. I am carrying the thought of my husband with me today and tomorrow and am thankful that the greatest holiday gift I have been given this year, and every year, is the love of a person who loves me unconditionally and wholly.