I started replying to my husband’s weekly letters tonight, as I usually do when the week is over and I have time to sit down and really immerse myself in his letters, and I started thinking about myself as a free citizen, and how grateful I am. At the same time as feeling grateful, I am feeling sad. Sad because of the ridiculous restrictions my husband currently has placed on him. Parts of his letters pain me to read and those parts are mostly the parts where he casually mentions how hard he is trying, on a daily basis, just to get the phone to call me, how he finally got to order peanut butter&jelly and how amazing it was, and how he feels disconnected from the world and not by lack of his trying, but because when you’re out of sight you really are out of mind to some people.
Tonight I am feeling a strange and intense sense of love for my husband but also anger over the situation. I`m feeling glad that it is the weekend but so tired over the efforts we have put forth just to keep afloat these last 20 months. I am both thankful for my marriage, yet frustrated at the never ending obstacles put before us, that no one seems to really take seriously or understand. I am free yet restricted and all I want to do is to give my husband an unlimited supply of peanut butter&jelly in all different flavors.