Unfriended

Being married to an inmate comes with a special set of challenges as far as getting outsiders to understand. There are some that give me “the look” as soon as I mention Jeremy is in prison and this look is both hurtful and annoying to me. For one, I`ve decided to let someone in on a little bit more of my life, hoping they will understand, that they will at least welcome me with open arms and let me tell my story and they should feel lucky. There have been people who, initially, will look at me like I`m a crazy person, like I obviously cannot function normally. How dare I marry an inmate? How dare I? Don`t I know what inmates are made up of? Everything disgusting and vile. It’s funny what a single look can tell you, but some of these people have come around, getting to know my husband through me and have come to ask about him regularly, and even like him. Those people had a 50/50 chance of staying in my life and to those who have stayed, who have endured, who have laughed and cried with me: I thank you for putting aside your judgement and really giving me and my love a chance to find a positive place in your hearts and thoughts.

Not everything goes over smoothly, though, and there will always be people who just cannot accept my marriage, my life, my love. Who irritates me most is the people who have no idea, who judge from afar, from their perfect little lives, and decide that I am wrong. They do a little research, decided everything they’ve read is enough to shut me out of their lives, to trust in some “truth” at first glance, and to ultimately condemn me for standing by someone who is so very much like anyone else walking the streets should they ever get to know him. I`m not going to lie: this type of blind judgement infuriates me and breaks my heart. I am forever grateful to the people who asked about my husband, who messaged me saying they were “shocked” or that they wanted to know more, instead of just wiping me out of their lives without having any idea of what I’m about, what my life is about.  Good riddance? Indeed.

 

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About Desiree

Living my truth, one post at a time. View all posts by Desiree

6 responses to “Unfriended

  • Melodie Martinez

    I remember those looks. It seemed that after I would meet someone I became very guarded about saying anything about my fiance in prison. It would take a long time for me to trust enough to tell the truth. Sometimes the person was a true friend and embraced my decision. While others would be shocked and slowly find their way out of my life even though we had become, what I thought, good friends. Never let anyone into your life who will even remotely judge people. No one knows the life you chose and the struggles you go through all the time. Not unless they walk a mile in your moccasins can anyone know the secrets of your soul. Let them judge, let them criticize, let them go on in their miserable lives. Because if their lives were so great, they wouldn’t find the need to unfriend you. No matter your circumstances, you have the right to love someone so deeply that it hurts sometimes. No one can predict who they’re are going to fall in love with. You found Jeremy and you fell in love with him. Yes, there are circumstances that are far off the bar of normal, but it’s that love you have found with him that matters the most and if others can’t except that, then, well, maybe they shouldn’t begin to want to be a part in your life. (((((( hugs ))))

    • Desiree

      Thank you, Mel 🙂 As always, I appreciate your unending love and support. You are totally right and I am SO grateful to have someone in my life like you. You know exactly what I`m going through and that makes me feel like I`m not alone.

  • seanandem

    I know “the look”. I know it well. I really understand how you feel here. People make snap judgements just because of one word: prison. I have come to the point where I either tell them because they seem like an open minded person, but with most people I simply say nothing and that bothers me. -Emelia

    • Desiree

      Emelia- It’s so tough to decide who to tell and who to keep quiet around, right? My mind is constantly in a state of paranoia, wondering if I just made the wrong choice, if this person will cause trouble for me, etc. I usually opt to just let it out and use my “5 seconds of bravery” rule and just get it out in the open. Luckily, I have met some really awesome people who have been extremely accepting. The people who are usually not accepting are usually ones I don`t know very well or someone who has friended me from work and then finds out and freaks out. Heh. I prefer honesty really. Makes me feel less like I`m hiding something because I`m not. People are so fickle. 🙂

      • seanandem

        Yes. I have that paranoia. It was a lot worse in the beginning when it was all new and I wondered if telling someone could seriously backfire. It’s all about standing up for what I believe is right and standing by my choices no matter what, even when it does backfire. The hardest part for me has been not having my family’s acceptance or support. But life goes on -Emelia

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