Pseudo husband

Before Jeremy and I married, and we were simply two crazy kids in love, someone made a comment that Jeremy was my “pseudo boyfriend” and at first this angered me and then it just made me laugh. It was someone who hardly knew me at all and definitely didn`t know the situation. I`m sure it is hard for people to imagine how a relationship and romance can be forged through letters initially and then later sparse phone calls and visits, but it is possible. I threw away the idea of a “normal” courtship and progression of a relationship long ago and have really carved myself out a comfortable corner in which I have blossomed with my then pseudo boyfriend, and now I guess, my now pseudo husband 🙂

Yes, I promise, that my marriage is real. It is very real, with struggles, but luckily none of those struggles are with one another. When people cannot fathom that my marriage is any more real than their next door neighbors, I no longer feel offended, mostly because I know that despite the prison madness in my life, that my marriage is much better than a lot of outside, “real” relationships.

I’ve just started therapy to work on some personal issues and I realized just how interwoven my husband is in my life. I spent a large time talking about my husband, the love we have cultivated from years worth of letters, phone calls, and visiting days. The therapist asked me what about Jeremy made him my person, why he is “my guy”, as she put it. I felt like I could cry when she asked that because it was right at that moment that I felt the waves of my love for my husband wash over me and I felt renewed. I told her that his love is the only real thing I’ve ever known, that he never puts his happiness above my own, and that although it may sound hokey, that he is truly my soul mate. So, despite what people may think, there is nothing pseudo about my relationship with my husband. It is the most genuine connection I have ever known.

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About Desiree

Living my truth, one post at a time. View all posts by Desiree

3 responses to “Pseudo husband

  • openbookadrian

    Wow you speak truths that a lot people mat not understand. My wife laura us locked up at Florence mclore women’s correctional facility and I k ow it’s tough. And I feel your pain sometimes I feel like you are ripping the feelings out of my heart

    • Desiree

      I can definitely sympathize. Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment so thoughtfully.

      • openbookadrian

        I have a question for you and I’m sorry if I am pouring my heart out to you buts kind of hard to talk about this with everyone. OK so for the passed year or so I fell on hard times and it was hard to put money on my wife’s books and I always made sure I put some money on the phones. And I kind of feel bad cause like hearing her voice once a week comforts me. It’s what keeps me going from week to week knowing I’m going g to hear her voice. but I feel like maybe I should spend the money and give to her so she can buy what she needs and not worry as much about hearing her voice. Like I feel like I am being selfish by sometimes making sure the phone was stocked before the money for her personal stuff. Am I wrong like I kind of feel like an ahouldsswhole sometimes but her voice sometimes all i got to keep me going. This is a lonely way to live I’m lucky that she comes home in a year but I been doing for 3 years now any advice cause I’m really struggling inside here.

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