I would say that my being able to hold onto hope in my marriage and in this situation is what has gotten me through some seriously tough times. It seems as though life is somewhat coming together now and that things will start to get better soon. It is a good possibility that my husband will ACTUALLY be transferred back to the facility closer to me, sooner rather than later, based on some information that has recently been received. Trust me, it isn`t all just falling into our laps. There is work to be done. It’s times like these when I hold my breath, the world goes black with anticipation, and I have to remind myself to breathe. I`ve been giving stress relief a good chance lately and have actively taken care of myself to avoid a major meltdown like I had a few months ago.
Besides the possibility of him being transferred closer soon, there are also some other premature plans in the works for bigger and better things that will make life better. Easier. NOT easy, but easier. I don`t think life is meant to be easy and I especially don`t think that there is anything easy about loving someone who spends their days locked away from the world. So, my hope is stable, navigating the madness one day at a time.
I’ve realized recently that the hope I have for my marriage with Jeremy is the strongest thing I have to offer to the universe. This separation has been hell, on both of us, and we found ourselves at a bit of a crossroads not too long ago and those are never easy to get through. We almost never argue but the stress of the situation has taken its toll and it was so important for us to reconnect, to be raw and open, to be nothing but honest with each other. We repaired whatever damage we had caused pretty quickly, just like we knew we would. I don`t think that either of us will ever accept an end to the amazing life experience that is our love and bond, but we do have our moments, our breaking points. I credit our hope in each other and our, at times, painful honesty with being the shelter in which we weather each and every storm. I feel so at peace right now, my heart filled with love and gratitude for what I have with this man.