I married my love 5 years ago today. It seems like just yesterday, yet it seems like so much more than 5 years ago between the effort to find myself out here in this world alone and the effort to keep my marriage flowing smoothly despite the dreary forecast. I would lying if I said I was happy today, if I said I had my emotions in check and everything is fine. Everything is not fine and that feeling is compounded by being sick, tired, and stressed out over the lack of communication with my husband and cleaning up personal messes in my life that I’ve created. The bright part of my day today is that I had a dream of my husband last night, which almost never happens. Somewhere between the cold medicine and the constant play of Lana Del Rey, my brain found him in the dark and brought him to me while I slept, giving my hope a little push in a very dark hour.
I feel like we’re on a brink right now. We have been pushed down, have had our faith kicked into a million pieces, but we always get up. I have never known such a display of love, of strength, of sheer determination than I do in my husband and in myself with his guidance. He always tells me everything is going to be okay and I hold onto that with everything that I am. It’s okay to fall apart. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to fuck everything up, seemingly beyond repair, because in this marriage I know that everything will be okay. There is no obstacle too great, no distance too far, no amount of time too long that will separate us.