I’ve put off writing this entry for a really long time, not because I`m nervous about it, but because I think others are nervous about it. I used to tell people that my husband was in prison for drugs. “Yeah, drugs, such a shame”, I would say and I would feel my entire being tense up. Obviously no one is screaming from the rooftops that their significant other has been charged with murder and is now in prison with a life sentence, but I don`t want to lie. I don`t like lying. I don`t believe in it, especially not when it comes to the “big stuff” in life. Definitely not when it comes to how you live your life and what and who you live it for. I spent so long letting things not add up with others, pretending so much while I would say “I think he has another year or so left”. Well, another year has turned into years and people wonder and I no longer have the capacity to be anything but truthful.
Yes, my husband is charged with a murder that happened quite a while ago. That is not to say that it is something to take lightly or to be swept under the rug, but I`m simply stating that it happened many years ago, that the details of the entire story are unknown, skewed, manipulated, and no one actually knows what happened except for one person and that person is not my husband. You don`t just wake up one day and think to yourself “I`m going to kill someone today” unless you really are some seriously fucked up person and in that case, you probably shouldn`t function in society freely. The truth is that things happen, circumstances are brought together in the worst way, evidence is forged, interview tapes are “lost”, the only other eyewitness is the one who told the accused what he did. He didn`t ask what he did, but he told him. Suspicious. The law is not cut and dry and though it seems that corruption and set-ups and lost evidence of innocence only happens in the movies, it does happen in real life and at a much larger volume than we would like to believe. Why don`t we want to believe that? Because we know it could happen to us, it could happen to anyone. We are all just one bad situation away from life in prison without parole. You just don`t know.
I will never say that my husband is guilty or innocent, and neither will he, but the circumstances surrounding his case are messy, forced, unjust. Now, you may be thinking I`m some naive woman, some brainwashed spouse, someone with just a few screws loose. If I thought for a moment that my husband was some whacked out murderer I would come out and say it. I believe that some people truly do belong in prison, so I`m not out to defend the entire inmate population. I`m simply here to say that not all prisoners are made alike, just like not all free people are made alike.