Every time I read an article about the human condition, on how we break and put ourselves back together, I always try to apply the information to my life. How does this help me? How does this help my situation? MY situation. This morning I read an article about how to become antifragile. Now, you may be thinking that “antifragile” isn`t a word, and it isn`t really, but the concept is still there.
Being antifragile introduces the idea that chaos, hardships, and pushing yourself, actually makes you better, stronger, more resilient. If I did the same thing every day I wouldn`t learn, I wouldn`t grow, I would not thrive. If absolute madness wasn’t thrown at me from time to time(read: the last few years of my life), I would not be the person I am today. There are times when I think of my life as being beat down by the fact that I love someone in prison, that I`ve committed myself to this life(and sometimes it feels like I’m in over my head). It feels like someone or something is pulling on my legs, pulling my entire self(physical, mental, spirit) under the choppy waves. An eerie calm comes over me after the initial struggle and then I act, I kick so hard for the surface, break through the ties that bind me and take a deep breath. I never realize it at the time, but being dragged beneath those waves, those uncertainties, make me so strong. I am not the same person I was 5 years ago, but especially, I`m not the same person I was 2 years ago.
I’ve said it once and I will said it again, and this time proudly, this life is not for everyone and I now realize and believe that is takes some serious personal strength to ride the waves of this commitment. My life isn`t conventional by any means, but I was made for this. I carry the ability to cope, to adapt. I’ve been made to become antifragile, not by running from the chaos, but by holding its hands, by letting it drag me under once again, only to allow me to feel the freedom and strength that comes with kicking to the surface. I am strong, I am proud, I am ready.