This blog is A LOT about my struggles. Someone recently told me that they read my blog sometimes and they feel sad for me because what I write is heartbreaking. I suppose that I do write a lot about the hardships that I go through as the wife of an inmate and it certainly can be heartbreaking when the struggle is so real just to maintain some days. For every moment of heartbreak and frustration, though, there are a thousand moments of beauty and heart exploding joy that I have found not only in my marriage with my husband but in prison itself. That sounds really odd and unless 1. You have been doing this for quite some time and 2. You are comfortable and honest about your life, you will probably not understand that lessons and the chance for life blooming can occur in the spaces between barbed wire and concrete walls. So, today I want to talk about my love and why I do what I do.
Years ago I overheard a conversation about my relationship with my husband where one woman I knew told another, “I understand why Jeremy would want to be with her, but I don`t understand why she would want to be with him”. This made me laugh and honestly still does to this day. Unless you know the inner workings and dynamics of my relationship, you will never really get it to the full extent. To anyone who doesn’t know myself or my husband, we just seem like a terrible criminal and some brain washed woman. Admittedly, there IS a lot of that stereotype in the prison wife “scene” and I mostly keep to myself, but I strive to paint a different picture of MY relationship for anyone who is willing to have an open mind, an open heart and open arms.
My husband tells me that people are willing to have an open mind about him and our marriage because I`m a wonderful person and because of the way I talk about him, so passionately and honestly. I always blush when he tells me this because to me it is second nature to speak about someone, who has given me so much in my life, with love. People have asked if they could write him or share a phone call with him and I think it’s because people are very curious about him and they want to know if he is everything I say he is. It always fills my heart to the brim when those who do interact with him discover what an amazing person he is. I always joke with him, that he is popular, and everyone wants to talk to him more than me and we play argue about who is loved more by our family and friends. I think we are a dynamic duo and that is what makes our relationship, connection, and love so special. I truly feel like we radiate our rays of love sunshine and are able to better give and receive love because we have each other.
All my life I have taken the route less traveled, rebelled against what is standard and have refused to settle for emotional connections that are less than mind blowing. What I have found in my husband is someone who really strives to give me his everything and I would rather surrender to someone who may sport a prison back number but who loves me so honestly and wholly, than with someone who I could be with out of convenience because we, as a society, are conditioned and taught to follow a certain path in life. Everyone wants different things out of their relationships and out of love and I don`t knock other people’s desires to choose their own paths. All I ask is that others don`t discount my relationship because it is different than theirs because sometimes different is the best way to fulfill our need for love and connection.