I came across this keychain not too long ago, shortly after my move, buried under some miscellaneous crap in my center console cubby and I just stared at it for a long time. You know when you find an object from a long time ago and a fuckload of memories flood your mind? Yeah. That’s what happened to me when I found it. I put it back on my keychain after its long absence, although I’m not sure why I took it off in the first place. I could have taken it off when I realized how much shit was on my keychain or after I tried to forget Jeremy and Nevada and this entire crazy life experience I find myself in.
Monthly Archives: May 2016
Are we in the clear yet?
I have quite literally made this song the soundtrack of my life lately, listening obsessively, trying to birth new life to a heart and soul that is tired. There is a lot of nostalgia and hope and destruction that can come from songs that speak to you, or me. I believe that music, lyrics, songs, feelings set to a melody, can reignite a person’s path and can be a push toward what the heart knows is meant to be.
Lately, I have continued to think back to when Jeremy and I first met. We were just two kids who were trying to navigate the very real situation of his life sentence in prison and a love that came on so strong, that I think it took us both by surprise. Here we are, 15 years later, again trying to navigate our plan of action for our future and fighting against becoming a “business as usual” marriage, which can happen sometimes under a great deal of stress. The balance of getting things done and maintaining the feeling of being in love with someone can be overwhelming and one or the other often takes a back seat.
Although we were pretty young when we met, we aren’t those two kids anymore. We have done some serious growing up, both separately and together, the last decade and a half, and the way we approach our problems with one another is fiery but… stable. At our last visit we somehow started business as usual, tumbled through nervous sublimation, and ultimately laid our cards out on the table. All of them. I think, for the first time, neither one of us was trying to knowingly blame the other or hurt the other as a result of our own pain and heartache. That visit made me realize how strong we are, how strong our separation and our struggle has made us. I left the prison feeling less “business as usual” and more like I actually really appreciate, respect, and adore the person I am married to. Is this what getting to the next level of a relationship feels like? Maybe. I think so.
Anyway, today is just random rambling about my thoughts lately and strange adult realizations. I did want to mention that my husband has started a blog of his own, which I`ll be managing. If you’re interested in reading about him/his life and the prison madness, you can check out: A Life Without Parole